They started breaking up my house last week. The contractors have about a week to go, but already--strangely--you can walk through spaces you couldn't before, and can't walk through areas you could before.

With other things in so much transition, it seems logical that I'd start this now. Getting renovations done while still in the house is a little like being awake through surgery, but I try to ignore the smell of burning and the weird crashing sounds as much as possible. I trust that on the other end of it I'll finally have a space that feels less like a storage unit and more like an actual home.

And it's only costing me thousands.

Meanwhile, I think it's finally sinking in that (as of last week) I'm no longer editor-in-chief of Code Z. There's both a deep sigh and a "yahoo!" in that. Being tied to that publication had somewhat become my identity for the last year--which was not an accident. But all along I had wanted the thing to sprout legs of its own and eventually move on without me. My great ambition was never to be a zine editor, after all, but to create a space where something vital could be documented and nurtured. That happened.

So in the end it was a success that I'm very proud of.

I created one kind of space a little over a year ago with Code Z. And now with old walls being knocked through and new walls subdividing rooms, I'm creating other kinds of spaces. I think the 2 are linked. Letting go of the one is making the other possible.